How to Look Like a Mom.

We’ve all heard the old adage “mom jeans”. We all know the mom look. At some point, I’m sure most of us have tried on an outfit only to look in the mirror and think “I look like a mom in this” therefore returning it back to the rack.

This morning I woke up in the same clothes I went school shopping in last night, sans bra. Who sleeps in jeans and a blouse? HA, not me, I also don’t wear those things to shop. I was already pretty much in pajamas.

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At what point does that switch flip in our brains where we actually want to look like a mom? When suddenly our whole closet is mom clothes and we throw it on without even a second thought?

Answer? We don’t. We don’t wake up the morning after delivering baby #2 and think “Omg, I would totally look hot in sweatpants and a t-shirt from the local tire shop’s 1998 annual bar-b-que”

No. It doesn’t happen overnight. My favorite example of this is the jump between season 4 and 5 of Desperate Housewives. Season 4 ends with a beautiful modelesque Gabrielle (Eva Longoria) and season 5 starts with her two kids later looking like, well, a mom.

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I hoarded all my pre-kid clothes because I had a banging wardrobe. I had belts that only went with one outfit. I had shoes that only went with one outfit, I had skirts in every pattern imaginable. Where was I going to wear an orange frog with purple toucan beaks and blue almonds skirt to? I don’t know, but when the time came I would have been ready.

 

 

I gained weight. I lost weight. I gained weight. I lost weight.

I ran out of space as the kids kept coming.

I got depressed and purged after I couldn’t button a single pair of jeans

I got too hot and flustered wearing a girdle, tank, bralette, blouse, shorts, belt for aesthetic only, and 3 layers of necklaces while trying to load and unload kids all day.

I couldn’t justify buying a $10 top when I could get one of my kids a whole $10 outfit.

I ran out of time to get dressed and ready to go anywhere.

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My “dress up” sleep pants

Eventually, all that leads to an empty closet from the constant giving away. I was no longer buying so there was nothing replacing those items. I could no longer take up valuable space with a slew of dresses I might wear once every two years. I got rid of it all.

Then there come the donated clothes. We, women, like to give our clothes to one another. It’s often things we ourselves can’t fit or simply don’t wear anymore. That’s how I ended up in a maternity shirt two days ago with a pair of gray slacks. Yes, slacks. I’ve never worn slacks outside of school uniforms 10 years ago. Somebody had given me a pair recently that hadn’t quite made their rotation through my closet and into the next moms closet. It isn’t until you’re living in sweatpants and t-shirts and the odd piece of random unflattering clothing that you even realize you have become a typical mom.

It takes at least half an hour working double pace to dress all my kids and have them ready to get out the door. Half of that time in which I’m just looking for their shoes. I usually have about 4 minutes and 28 seconds to dress. Mom clothes it is.

Yes, I want to be pretty. Yes, I have good, even unique, taste in fashion. I just do not have the time, money, patience, of physical durability to put it into action.

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